A love letter to my abusive boyfriend – Toronto Fashion Week

Dear  Toronto Fashion Week,

I know that’s not your name anymore, but I like to keep old nicknames. Skydome will always be Skydome. You are who you are, and you are frickin’ Toronto Fashion Week.

You moved this year too, I liked your old place, but your new one is pretty nice.

With all your very nice furniture in your new place here’s something you ABSOLUTELY need to get for the next time I visit – VELVET ROPES.

EVERY other event in the world, when you have over 50 people, you have god damn ropes to tell people where to stand in line in an orderly fashion. It’s just the way it is. Have your VIP areas, blah blah blah, but STOP treating everyone else like CATTLE. It’s nasty, and immature. I know you’re young but dammit how are you going to grow up and get respected when you can’t even get the people properly through the door.

I love you so much, but you need to get your shit together.

Thanks

Brook

 

Craving more box water, we return to Fashion Week

Well, we went back for more (Brook REALLY liked that tetrapack water). The passport office’s baffling queue system meant I was too late to get into Katrina Tuttle’s show (sorry Brook!), but we watched it on the screen outside. Lots of pretty frocks covered in pleats and flowers, worn by models who could not walk in their four-inch heels. LGFW gets the young, cheap models, I guess. Fresh and girly and I wouldn’t cry if one appeared in my closet next spring (er, the dresses, I mean, not the models).

Then we went to eat noodles in Liberty Village to fortify ourselves for the crowds at Pink Tartan. Yikes, man. While we waiting in the huddle (to call it a line would be so misleading), elbows at the ready, Brook rhymed of a half a dozen ways to improve upon LG (ugh) Fashion Week. She should send Robin Kay an application letter on Monday morning. From our spot in the huddle we spotted Ben Mulroney air-kissing a bunch of people and we eavesdropped on a gaggle of fashion students with just-so hair and in-your-face-trendy glasses. Then, when the ropes parted to let in the masses, we shoved and elbowed and excuse-me’d (this IS Canada, after all) our way into the showroom and nabbed a couple of seats.

Pink Tartan clearly shelled out for models who could handle the absurd footwear, and the show was better for it. Lots of trenchcoats and blazers with visible epaulets, a few vaguely nautical pieces (Ralph Lauren-lite), and plenty of sequins. Fun and shiny and crowd-pleasing – no wonder proud hubby Joe Mimran is beaming from the front row.

And then we’re outta there. We wave to the PETA seal and Brook needs change for the bus, so we pop into the Starbucks, which leads to the quote of the evening. Noting the group of skinny, decked-out girls clustered in the corner, I jokingly ask the barista if Fashion Week is his favourite week ever. “Not so much working here, but visually I can’t complain,” he says. “And I suppose if I wasn’t working here, I couldn’t very well sit around like a creep.”

Wherein Brook drags Alison kicking and screaming to LGFW

Alright, that blog post title might be a wee bit dramatic. I’m not actually throwing tantrums about my first ever Fashion Week, I just hate crowds. But I do like people walking in a straight line while wearing pretty clothes. So yesterday I braved my first foray into the big white tent at King and Shaw. (Aside: is anyone else alarmed/amused that LGFW HQ is directly downwind of an abattoir? No amount of Chanel EDT can cover up that stench!)

We watched Jason Myers unveil his Spring/Summer 2010 collection, and it was…fine. Fashion shows are so anticlimactic! I’m into theatre, so when I see a stage, I expect a dramatic payoff. But the most drama you’ll get on a runway is a nip-slip (and yes, there was one last night). It starts absurdly – why is Myers screening a scene from Katherine Hepburn movie that has nothing to do with his actual clothing? Obviously the fireworks in this scene mean that La Hepburn is getting laid offscreen, but what’s with the closeup of the shoe? And why does Myers like everything to be jutting strangely off of shoulders? Never mind. The techno starts and so does the clothing (the first model is Prairie Ditz from the last CNTM, concentrating very hard and glaring at the wall of cameras at the end of the runway).

As for the clothing itself, it’s better described by people who are savvier and take better notes than me, but my general feeling about Myers is that whenever he gets something right, it’s an accident, and it’s copied from someone who does it better. He’s got some good lines – my favourite outfit was a black layered chiffon blouse over slick cigarette pants – but every single skirt was too short (hello, ass cheeks), and I swear I had a mini version of his pink minidress for my Barbie back in the day.

And that was that. 20 minutes. Please clear the room as quickly as possible and go grab a few razor samples. Personally, my favourite part of the entire proceedings was the tub of water not in bottles, but in a tetrapack boxed wine type of packaging. Brook and I both liked the box-wine-spring-water so much, we’re braving the Pink Tartan show tonight in the hopes of stocking up on more.

Brook’s Quicky – Paris FW SS10 – Alexander McQueen

Mr Alexander McQueen;

You are just f***ing amazing. I have wanted to eat your brains in hopes of a fashion-zombie-like-absorption of your talents… don’t be freaked out – this is my ultimate fashion compliment.

Just. wow. And I’m having a hard time trying to put the words in the correct order to explain without sounding really weird. f**k.

OK – here goes, you make the craziest-ass shapes on women’s bodies – but they still look like women’s bodies.

You have gorgeous alien women wear reverse-mohawks and it actually looks awesome.

The fabric this season; it looks like you took everything in nature; skins, leaves, and the sky and digitally meshed them onto fabric in lava-lamp-like patterns and it looks original…  There it is; in a world where everything has been done…  You surprise the shit out of me, you are making original things.

And you make me curse alot – that means I like you.

gaaaaah dammit your brains!

luv Brook

Brooky’s Quickie – Paris FW SS10 – Chanel

There’s nothing more french than Chanel, is there?

I always envisioned that if you are born Parisian, they wrap you in Chanel tweed at the hospital.

Chanel shows always have these GIGANTIC set productions which probably cost more than my house, and this year they took it to the farm, literally. Models strutted around a quaint country cottage and the floor covered in straw.

These french country-bumpkins are dressed to the nines of course, this collection just SCREAMED innocence, so much that I hope all these girls are over 16….otherwise, I feel kinda dirty. They had ONE male model, and frankly, if I were a male model, being the only dude around would rock. He got some lovely coordinating outfits.

After all the sweet winter-whites and chiffon, I REALLy enjoyed when Lagerfeld mixes in black to give a little more oomph to the innocence. (I don’t know what oomph in german or french is… probably pretty close to oomph).

When i go on a picnic in the country...

So next summer, lets all put on pretty dresses, grab a picnic basket and have a roll in the hay – who’s in?

Brook

Brooky’s Quicky – Paris FW – SS10 – Christian Dior

Oh la la, j’adore Dior

Well it looks like Mr Galliano got deep into the Film Noir this time. When this guy gets a theme – he runs with it and sticks to it. Trench coats; short and long, wide and skinny – you will wear trench coats next summer. Galliano has declared.

Every model had Veronica Lake hair, wavy and a bounce and HERE’S the thing I’m enjoying – dresses inspired by slinky lingerie!

I see london...I see france...

Get ready for ruffled bums, sheer lacy tops and skirt slips exposed! I am! My bra is always sticking out somewhere…..

My advice – go to Goodwill NOW and grab a full slip in a fun colour. Don’t wear boots with it like we did back in the 90’s. In spring, mix it in with your light sundresses, and you’ll be oh so french.

Or ready to burst into a detective’s office and declare, “Sir! there’s a man following me!” and he’ll know why.

Brook

Brooky’s Quicky Paris FW SS10 – Balenciaga

Balenciaga is a label that I probably will never 1) the legs or 2) the bravery to wear.

It’s a brand that I like to observe, like on a safari. Whenever Jennifer Connelly shows up at an event, I sit back and stare at the art in motion.

Like abstract art, first you’re slapped in the face with colours or textures or shapes you’re not used to…then after a few minutes you appreciate the direction. But you probably don’t feel the need to hang it in your living room…you know what I’m sayin?

Space crime fighter / Mondrian Painting!

 Brook

Brooky’s Quicky – Milan FW SS01 – Gucci

Every time I fantasize about living in Europe with my Sugar-Daddy Giovanni (this happens occassionally…I work in an office – don’t judge) I always envision myself with wind- blowing-in-hair and wearing Gucci.

Gucci = entrance. Every time you see an amazon walk into a room and there is instant daaaaamn (that’s the sound of the sexy choir), you are pretty sure that woman is wearing Gucci…or she meant to wear Gucci and couldn’t get her hands on it…but she is thinking Gucci.

The Earth thumps with your steps when you walk down the street wearing Gucci

This SS10 show was full of the trend colours of icy white and gun-metal greys. 75% of the outfits were dresses above the knee. Get ready for the power dress next summer. And hopefully we’ll all get the daaaaaaaamn entering a room. With or without Giovanni.

Brook

Brook’y Quicky – Milan FW SS10 – Prada

Bonjourno Italia!!!

There is something I always think of when I think of Prada;  balls.

As in  – You have to have balls to wear Prada. Every time I see a woman in Prada, all that’s goes through my head is ‘damn!’.

There is a level of sophistication and confidence you MUST have to wear Prada. Otherwise…it just doesn’t work.

The Prada look for next summer? gun-metal silver, and icy white. The prints are photographs of sun-bleached beaches. mmmm – I’m already there.

Just don't try to go through any security scanning honey!

The closing pieces were crazy chain-link metal dresses that Lady Gaga has already been walking to the store in. Let’s see if fire-cracker bras are next.

ciao

Brook

Brooky’s Quicky LFW SS10 – Matthew Williamson

I have spent just over 24 hours in England, it was a bit of a blur. And that’s probably how I’ll treat London Fashion Week.

First up – Matthew Williamson, whom frankly, I don’t know much about – I totally missed out on his H&M collection dammit. What I DO know is that his prints are amazing. He takes natural things like feathers and sunsets, and twists them into digital art making some of the most fascinating fabrics.

Take the dress below – awesome. But the real kicker here is the jacket. All one colour but sooooo detailed. The pairing of a complex jacket in simple tones with simple dress in complex colours….you had me at hello.

oh la la

Perhaps I should visit England again…have a better look.

Brook